So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
