I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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