pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
