WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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