She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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