So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
