Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
