Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
