lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
