NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
