Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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