I can text with my tongue
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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