Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you win again, gameday.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Come on in and take your pants off
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