you traded sex for a burrito?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
