he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
