is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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