your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize