Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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