We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
