I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A bitchslap is in order.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
