He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
