why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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