god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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