brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
