oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
