sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
