You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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