Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
