Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
