We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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