when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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