I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
