she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
