You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
