you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
