Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
