i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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