I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
