it was like his penis was on wheels.
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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