Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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