brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
