Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
