This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
