We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
