Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
