the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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