I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
