Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
