OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
