and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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