its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
