11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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