I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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