He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize