i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
