He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
