He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
