we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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