The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
