every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
