if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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