Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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