I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
