the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
