So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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