My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
