you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize